How to Control Your Children Effectively

How to Control Your Children Effectively
by jrdiaz


You may have seen it—a young mother, wrestling with her small children. She tries to be nice to them and reason with them. She even tries to bribe them with candy and other treats if they would only “be good.”

But they seem to delight in throwing tantrums and embarrassing their mother in public. They seem totally uncontrollable.

Part of that mother’s problem is that she—along with millions of other parents— has no definite plan or program in controlling and training children. Remember, control is a prerequisite for training children.

Every schoolteacher knows that he or she cannot teach students unless they can control their classrooms. The same is true with parenting: we cannot train our children until and unless we can first control our children. This may seem self-evident, but it is amazing how many parents essentially ignore this principle in practice. They attempt to teach or train their children without first establishing clear ground rules as to who is in charge, and then they wonder why their children are unresponsive.

This question of control becomes a major issue where blended families are concerned. Stepparents often encounter difficulties in gaining the respect of their stepchildren; and with no respect there can be no control. How many loving stepparents have heard the frustrating and heartbreaking words, “You can’t tell me what to do; you’re not my mother!” or “I don’t have to listen to you; you’re not my real dad!” Whether their family is a blended family or a traditional family, the parents must find a workable way of exercising consistent, firm but fair control over all the children in the family. Otherwise, there will be a great deal of chaos, confusion, conflict, heartache, and dysfunction and very little effective training.

So here are some simple guidelines that will help parents exercise effective control of their children so training can take place:

1.    Tailor your control and training to the age and development of the child.

For example, don’t try to reason to a very young child. Young children need clear, firm guidelines to direct their behavior until their reasoning ability matures.

2.    Be consistent.

Don’t give in to the temptation to relax your standards or your expectations. Your children need and deserve the security and stability of always knowing what to expect from you and what to expect from them. They may complain, scream, cry, and kick against your rules, but stand firm. The moment you give in, you surrender control to your children and all hope of training them disappears.

3.    Be in agreement with your spouse.

As much as possible, the two of you should be in complete agreement regarding how you will raise your children. You should agree on what you will allow, what you will not allow, and what the penalties will be for infractions. You should agree never to disagree in front of the children, but maintain a united front. This will go far in dismantling one of the favorite control tactics of children: playing one parent against the other.

4.    Don’t try to be your children’s “buddy.”

You’re not their buddy; you’re their parent, and that’s what they need you to be. They need someone who will affirm and encourage them when they are right, and correct and redirect them when they are wrong, while loving them consistently throughout.

Finally, we can say that your child should learn early in his or her life—that you the parent are in charge, that training and discipline must and will  be carried out for the child’s good if wrong attitudes or rebellious, disrespectful behavior occur.

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