How To Train Up Your Child

How To Train Your Child 
by jrdiaz

As parents, we must train our children deliberately and purposely so that we can train them effectively.

The Word of God said, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). We could  call this the "Parents Mandate."

Our basic job as parents is to teach our children to think right, talk right  and live right--to show them the right way to live.

In order to show  the way to our children we must know the way ourselves. If we don't know the way, how can we show the way? How can we train our children to live right if we don't how to live right? How can we teach them God's Word if we don't know God's Word? How can we teach them to pray if we don't know how to pray?

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How to Apply Discipline to Your Children Effectively and Appropriately

How to Apply Discipline to Your Children Effectively and Appropriately
by jrdiaz


If we want our children to live long and enjoy a bright future tomorrow, we must discipline them today. Discipline is indispensible in the life of children because it helps prepare them for the future.

Our failure to discipline, on the other hand, could be deadly; it might even destroy their future. We discipline them today so that they will learn to discipline themselves tomorrow when we are no longer around. Therefore, discipline must be done in order to ensure the child’s future.

If your little child keeps running out in the street—laughing at you because you either can’t  or won’t discipline for this foolishness, you may one day lose your child under the wheels of a passing automobile. That’s why it is important to teach children the meaning of “no” in advance of problems. Little children, for their own welfare, must be disciplined by their parents to avoid dangerous situations.

Unfortunately too many view discipline in a negative manner. They have seen so much child abuse that they rejected the principle of proper discipline altogether. They adopt, instead, a destructively permissive stance in respect to their children’s attitudes and actions.

But proper discipline for wrong-doing must never take the form of child abuse. Applying discipline inappropriately can be just as harmful as not applying any discipline at all.

With that in mind, here are five simple principles or guidelines to ensure that the discipline you apply to your children is appropriate and effective:

1.    Be consistent.

Don’t keep your kids guessing about what you expect from them or what they can expect from you. Set clear boundaries and guidelines and stick to them.

We need to define and write our “house rules”. And these rules must be understood by our children before we can discipline them. In other words, no law broken or no evidence equals no punishment.

Furthermore, we need to treat all our children equally. Favoritism fosters bitterness and resentment in the hearts of your children who feel they have been slighted. To prevent these negative attitudes, every child should receive the same treatment and affection.

2.    Never discipline in anger.

Discipline plus anger usually results in abuse, not correction. Once that line is crossed, whatever training goal you had is forfeited.

Discipline for wrong acts and attitudes should never involve verbal insults or degrading putdowns. It should never involve punching or slapping in the face, boxing or pulling ears, kicking, or hitting about vital organs. In other words, never use your hand in punishing your children because you don’t want them to associate you and your hand with pain and punishment. You can employ a paddle or some other instrument that will not bruise or break their skin and it must be applied only in their buttocks.

When administering punishment, focus on training. Explain to your children the reason for the punishment or else it is nothing more than a beating that serves no purpose and accomplishes nothing except to spoil their day.

3.    Do not allow your children to rebel.

If after being disciplined your children run off muttering or cursing or stomping their feet or continuing to act out with other inappropriate behaviors, they obviously have missed the point of discipline. Go to them and reapply the discipline, explaining that they need to understand and respect the reason for it. The proper response from them is not rebellion and defiance but submission. Help them understand that obedience is the quickest path to getting what they want. It’s a lot less painful, too.

4.    Do not allow your children to become bitter.

Sometimes you may discipline wrongly because you do not have all the information. No one is perfect. If this happens go to your child, confess your error, and apologize. Your children know you make mistakes, but it will do them a world of good to know also that you are not afraid to admit it. This will quench any sparks of bitterness that may simmering in their hearts.

5.    Never ridicule, belittle, or embarrass your children, especially in public.

This applies especially to older children. Younger children usually are not highly self-conscious and therefore can be corrected in public without feeling humiliated.

When correction and discipline are needed while in public, be careful to administer it in such a way as to preserve their pride and dignity. If possible, get away with them privately and deal with the situation. The object is correction, not humiliation. Remember that dignity is the child’s most valued possession. Respect it and you gain your child’s respect. So never ever humiliate your child in public.

In conclusion, we can say that discipline is an act of love by parents who are seeking to train their children in the right way to live and think. To be effective and appropriate, discipline should be applied only when necessary.

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How to Control Your Children Effectively

How to Control Your Children Effectively
by jrdiaz


You may have seen it—a young mother, wrestling with her small children. She tries to be nice to them and reason with them. She even tries to bribe them with candy and other treats if they would only “be good.”

But they seem to delight in throwing tantrums and embarrassing their mother in public. They seem totally uncontrollable.

Part of that mother’s problem is that she—along with millions of other parents— has no definite plan or program in controlling and training children. Remember, control is a prerequisite for training children.

Every schoolteacher knows that he or she cannot teach students unless they can control their classrooms. The same is true with parenting: we cannot train our children until and unless we can first control our children. This may seem self-evident, but it is amazing how many parents essentially ignore this principle in practice. They attempt to teach or train their children without first establishing clear ground rules as to who is in charge, and then they wonder why their children are unresponsive.

This question of control becomes a major issue where blended families are concerned. Stepparents often encounter difficulties in gaining the respect of their stepchildren; and with no respect there can be no control. How many loving stepparents have heard the frustrating and heartbreaking words, “You can’t tell me what to do; you’re not my mother!” or “I don’t have to listen to you; you’re not my real dad!” Whether their family is a blended family or a traditional family, the parents must find a workable way of exercising consistent, firm but fair control over all the children in the family. Otherwise, there will be a great deal of chaos, confusion, conflict, heartache, and dysfunction and very little effective training.

So here are some simple guidelines that will help parents exercise effective control of their children so training can take place:

1.    Tailor your control and training to the age and development of the child.

For example, don’t try to reason to a very young child. Young children need clear, firm guidelines to direct their behavior until their reasoning ability matures.

2.    Be consistent.

Don’t give in to the temptation to relax your standards or your expectations. Your children need and deserve the security and stability of always knowing what to expect from you and what to expect from them. They may complain, scream, cry, and kick against your rules, but stand firm. The moment you give in, you surrender control to your children and all hope of training them disappears.

3.    Be in agreement with your spouse.

As much as possible, the two of you should be in complete agreement regarding how you will raise your children. You should agree on what you will allow, what you will not allow, and what the penalties will be for infractions. You should agree never to disagree in front of the children, but maintain a united front. This will go far in dismantling one of the favorite control tactics of children: playing one parent against the other.

4.    Don’t try to be your children’s “buddy.”

You’re not their buddy; you’re their parent, and that’s what they need you to be. They need someone who will affirm and encourage them when they are right, and correct and redirect them when they are wrong, while loving them consistently throughout.

Finally, we can say that your child should learn early in his or her life—that you the parent are in charge, that training and discipline must and will  be carried out for the child’s good if wrong attitudes or rebellious, disrespectful behavior occur.

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How to Raise Righteous and Godly Children

How to Raise Righteous and Godly Children
by jrdiaz

If the purpose of parenting is to raise righteous and godly children, the question naturally arises: how do we accomplish this? How do we raise children who are in right relationship with God, and live godly lives?

           

Before we answer this question, let us consider first the findings of some psychologists on child development.

Studies in child development and psychology have revealed that the pattern of a child’s life is generally set by age four. This means that whatever a child learns in the first four years of life will determine the course of the rest of his life: how he thinks, feels, talks, and acts. In other words, everything else is just reinforcement.

Furthermore, repeated studies have made it clear that children learn everything they need to learn in their first seven years of life. After age seven, children learn only what they want to learn. In other words, if you do not train your children in the way they should go by the time they are seven―if you do not nurture the right character and behavior by then―you probably never will. But if you do show them the way by age seven, it is highly likely they will follow that way all their lives.

These studies confirmed the correctness and relevance of the Bible in raising righteous and godly children.  Biblical wisdom says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This is why it is so important to get the Word of God into child’s mind and heart from the earliest moments of life. Our children need more of our time and attention in these formative years of their lives. They need our presence more than our presents in these critical years of their lives.

The world bombards our children constantly with its own twisted values and distorted views of morality. As parents, we need to be just as diligent―or even more so―in bombarding them with the wisdom of the Word of God. And it needs to start when they are small children. Waiting until they get to high school is too late; the pattern of their lives will already be set by then.

So, how do we raise righteous and godly children? Let us answer this question based on the Word of God:

How to Raise Righteous and Godly Children

                       

1.    By knowing and showing the way

First of all, in order to show the way to our children we must know the way ourselves. If we don’t know the way, how can we show the way? How can we train our children to live right if we don’t know how to live right? How can we teach them to pray if we don’t know how to pray? How can we teach them God’s Word if we don’t know God’s Word? Our children can go only where we, their parents, take them. So what will happen if we don’t know the way? Jesus Christ said, “If the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch”.¹ Furthermore, King Solomon said, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death”.²

So our first job as parents is to study and know for ourselves the way that our children should go so that we can show them the way. And what is the way? It is the way of righteousness and godliness.

In order for us to become righteous and godly parents, we must first reconcile ourselves to God (our holy and righteous Father) through His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me”.³ When we believe and receive Jesus Christ in our lives, He will give us the right to become children of God.⁴ And when we become children of God, we can now reproduce and impart the righteousness and holiness of our heavenly Father in us to our children. When we know the way, we are ready for the next step.

2.    By training your children

As parents, we must train our children deliberately and purposefully, and this requires planning. Children need training because they are not born self sufficient or possessing the knowledge they need to live successfully.  In other words, children cannot raise or train themselves. God gave that responsibility to parents―to us― and He holds us accountable for the way we bring up our children. So, parenting must be intentional. It must be deliberate because godly children do not turn out by accident; they are the product of the efforts of committed, godly parent.

Training benefits both parent and child. Children benefit from training because it prepares them for life. Parents benefit because well-trained, well-raised children return to bless, honor, respect and obey them.

Consequently, children benefit from obedience to their parents because it teaches them to respect authority. Learning to submit to and obey their earthly parents teaches children how to obey their invisible heavenly Parent. And not only to obey Him but also to love Him.

Sometimes verbal instruction alone is not sufficient to motivate children to obey their parents. If that is the case, other forceful or coercive methods may be required. The Bible refers to this as the “rod of correction”. This will take us to number three.

3.    By applying discipline to your children properly and safely

Most of us believe that any kind of abuse of children, whether physical, mental, verbal, or sexual abuse, is absolutely wrong. It is a crime against the child and against society, and it is a sin before the God who created children and loves them dearly. Coercive training methods, when necessary, are not for

beating a child to submission, but for correcting him or her in love. Coercive

training measures should be applied carefully, appropriately and sparingly.

Parents must understand the difference between administering correction and

committing abuse when it comes to matters of discipline so they can apply the

“rod of correction” safely and properly.

Proverbs says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him”. ⁵ The rod is an instrument that helps children change their minds from the wrong to the right. It drives foolishness away from your children and brings them to maturity. Your hand is not a rod. So never use your hand to punish a child. Never spank with your hand because you don’t want your child to associate you or your hand with pain and punishment. Hands are for hugging, touching, and caressing, not inflicting physical blows. Instead of your hand, you may use a ping-pong paddle or some other instrument that will not bruise or break the skin or inflict any other kind of injury. You must apply your discipline to the well-padded spot. God designed the buttocks of the human body as an appropriate spot and the only suitable place for the application of physical discipline.

As a final point, hereunder is a quote to ponder:

“There is no greater gift and no more powerful legacy parents can pass on to their children than to train them in the way of the Lord and to teach them to love Him with all their hearts.”

Notes: 1. Matt. 15:14; 2. Prov. 14:12; 3. John 14:6; 4. John 1:12; 5. Prov. 22:15

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Unleash the Highest Potential of Your Child

 Unleash the Highest Potential of Your Child

 by: Vic & Avelynn Garcia

How many of you have experienced this? … Naglalakad kayo sa mall, hawak-hawak n’yo ang kamay ng anak ninyo (ng pamangkin, o ng apo n’yo) at biglang sa susunod na hakbang ninyo, hindi na kayo makahakbang. Ano’ng nangyari? May nakita ang anak ninyo! At ano ang sabi sa inyo? “Mommy, Daddy (Tito, Tita, Lolo, Lola) bili mo naman ako nito please…” Ano ang gagawin ninyo kapag nagpapabili ang anak, pamangkin o apo ninyo, pero  wala naman kayong balak bumili? Ano ang sasabihin n’yo?

In many years of asking this question during our seminars, marami na kaming natanggap na sagot. Isa-isahin natin…

Sabi ng iba, “Hindi natin pwedeng bilhin dahil:

… wala tayong pera.”

… mahal yan.”

… pangit yan.”

O kaya, “Mamaya na lang.” At kung anu-ano pa.

Kayo? Ano ang kadalasang sinasabi ninyo? Ano kaya ang sasabihin ninyo ‘pag nangyari ito? O hindi ito nangyayari dahil binibili ninyo agad ang gusto ng batang kasama n’yo? Sa tingin n’yo ba, tama ang mga sagot na ito? Upang maunawaan natin ang epekto ng bawat sagot na ito sa ating mga anak, isa-isahin natin ang mga pwedeng mangyari.

1. “Wala tayong pera.”

Tatay:  “Anak, anak. Hindi natin pwedeng bilhin ‘yan dahil wala tayong pera”

Anak: “Daddy, daddy. Nakita ko ‘yung wallet mo kanina. May pera.”

Tatay: “Hay naku anak! Hindi sa akin ‘yun, patago lang.”

Hindi ba kayo nagtataka kung bakit maraming bata ang sinungaling? Hulaan ninyo kung sino ang nagturo? Malamang, si yaya. Si yaya ang may kasalanan n’yan. Nakakita na ba kayo ng magulang na tinuruan ang anak na magsinungaling? No! So malamang, si yaya talaga ang may kasalanan. (Joke lang.)

2. “Mamaya na lang.” o “Saka na lang.”

Tatay: “Anak, sige. Mamaya na lang.”

Bata: “Sige po, Daddy. Mamaya na lang.”

So, lakad, lakad, shopping, shopping na sila. Nang papauwi na…

Tatay: “O, anak, halika na. Uwi na tayo.”

Bata: “Daddy, ‘di ba sabi mo, mamaya? Mamaya na po ngayon. Bilhin na po natin.”

Tatay: “Ay naku, anak, magsasara na ang mall. Saka na lang natin bilhin…”

Hindi ba kayo nagtataka kung bakit maraming bata, kapag nangako, hindi tinutupad? Hulaan ninyo kung sino ang nagturo? Malamang, si yaya. Si yaya na naman! Palagi na lang si yaya. Ang payo lang namin, ‘pag ganyan ang anak ninyo, magpalit na kayo ng yaya kasi hindi maganda ang impluwensya ni yaya. Ang tanong, “Saan nga ba talaga natutong magsinungaling at hindi tumupad sa pangako ang mga anak natin?”

Think about this…

“Our children learn more from what they see rather than what they hear.”

Paano ba natin palalakihin ng tama ang ating mga anak for them to have a life of success, happiness and significance? Bawat magulang ay nagnanais ng magagalang, mababait at masusunuring mga anak. Walang magulang ang gustong magpalaki ng mga “spoiled brats”. Pero kadalasan, ang mga hangaring ito ay parang napakalayo sa tunay na kalagayan ng marami sa ating mga anak.

Isang madalas nating marinig ay ang kasabihang, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Pero ang tanong ng maraming tao ay “Paano ko ba dapat palakihin ang aking mga anak? Anu-ano ba ang aking dapat gawin?”

According to Wikipedia, “Parenting (or child rearing) is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship.”

Sa aming palagay, ang isa sa pinakamalaking problema ng Pilipinas ngayon ay “Poor Parenting”. Kung pag-aaralan lang natin, marami sa mga problemang ating dinaranas ngayon ay dahil sa “Poor Parenting”.  Mula sa simpleng J-walking, traffic violation, buying pirated goods, hanggang tax evasion, drug addiction, robbery, hold-up, rape, murder at kung anu-ano pa. Let’s imagine kung ang mga gumawa at patuloy na gumagawa ng mga krimen na ito ay napalaki ng maayos ng kanilang mga magulang, siguradong marami sa kanila ay hindi gagawa ng mga maling bagay na ‘yan.

Hindi naman natin pwedeng sisihin lang ang mga magulang dahil isipin ninyo, sino’ng magulang ang gustong magkaroon ng masama o walang hiyang anak? Malamang, wala! Eh bakit nga ba nangyayari ang mga bagay na ito? Isang dahilan ay maraming magulang ang kulang sa kaalaman at kakayanan sa tamang pagpapalaki ng kanilang mga anak.

Isa sa mga batas na nais naming imungkahi sa ating Presidente o sa ating mga mambabatas ay dapat lahat ng magulang o malapit na maging magulang ay required um-attend ng seminar patungkol sa tamang pagpapalaki ng anak taon-taon.  At sinumang magulang ang ayaw um-attend ay pagmumultahin.

Sa ganitong paraan, matuturuan at magagabayan ang mga magulang sa pagpapalaki ng kanilang anak at sigurado kami na mababawasan ang krimen sa lansangan. Mababawasan na ang mga pulis dahil kaunti na lang ang mga magnanakaw at holdaper.  Mababawasan din ang mga MMDA dahil halos lahat ay sumusunod na sa batas trapiko. In the same manner, mababawasan din ang budget sa DSWD dahil kaunti na lang ang mga palaboy sa kalye maging ang ating populasyon dahil kaunti na lang ang teenage pregnancy.

Pero tataas na ang tax collection dahil marami ng magbabayad ng tamang tax.  Dadami ang ating graduate sa kolehiyo dahil maraming bata ang mag-aaral nang mabuti.  Mababawasan na ang baha dahil magse- segregate na tayo ng basura at magtatapon sa tamang lugar. Hindi na tayo magpuputol ng mga puno. Mababawasan na ang mga tiwaling government officials dahil kaunti na lang ang magbebenta ng boto. Mababawasan din ang mga rebelde dahil paganda na ng paganda ang estado ng ating kabuhayan.

Ang layunin ng mga articles na ito ay tulungan at gabayan ang mga magulang sa maayos na pagpapalaki ng kanilang mga anak. Sa librong ito, ituturo namin ang Pitong “P” ng bawat magulang tungo sa maayos na pagpapalaki ng mga anak para sa matagumpay, masaya at makabuluhang buhay.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”(NIV) - Proverbs 22:6

(Excerpted from Vic & Avelynn Garcia’s book - Unleash the Highest Potential of Your Child, a sequel to the book entitled Unleash Your Highest Potential. ) 

Avelynn Regalado-Garcia is currently the Executive Vice President of Unleash International Corporation, a high-tech, high-touch, high-impact training company whose main mission is to unleash the highest potential in people towards success, happiness, and significance. For more than 20 years now, she passionately conducts seminars, workshops, conference, and conventions for top local and multinational companies, schools, and organizations in the country and abroad.

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