How to Apply Discipline to Your Children Effectively and Appropriately

How to Apply Discipline to Your Children Effectively and Appropriately
by jrdiaz


If we want our children to live long and enjoy a bright future tomorrow, we must discipline them today. Discipline is indispensible in the life of children because it helps prepare them for the future.

Our failure to discipline, on the other hand, could be deadly; it might even destroy their future. We discipline them today so that they will learn to discipline themselves tomorrow when we are no longer around. Therefore, discipline must be done in order to ensure the child’s future.

If your little child keeps running out in the street—laughing at you because you either can’t  or won’t discipline for this foolishness, you may one day lose your child under the wheels of a passing automobile. That’s why it is important to teach children the meaning of “no” in advance of problems. Little children, for their own welfare, must be disciplined by their parents to avoid dangerous situations.

Unfortunately too many view discipline in a negative manner. They have seen so much child abuse that they rejected the principle of proper discipline altogether. They adopt, instead, a destructively permissive stance in respect to their children’s attitudes and actions.

But proper discipline for wrong-doing must never take the form of child abuse. Applying discipline inappropriately can be just as harmful as not applying any discipline at all.

With that in mind, here are five simple principles or guidelines to ensure that the discipline you apply to your children is appropriate and effective:

1.    Be consistent.

Don’t keep your kids guessing about what you expect from them or what they can expect from you. Set clear boundaries and guidelines and stick to them.

We need to define and write our “house rules”. And these rules must be understood by our children before we can discipline them. In other words, no law broken or no evidence equals no punishment.

Furthermore, we need to treat all our children equally. Favoritism fosters bitterness and resentment in the hearts of your children who feel they have been slighted. To prevent these negative attitudes, every child should receive the same treatment and affection.

2.    Never discipline in anger.

Discipline plus anger usually results in abuse, not correction. Once that line is crossed, whatever training goal you had is forfeited.

Discipline for wrong acts and attitudes should never involve verbal insults or degrading putdowns. It should never involve punching or slapping in the face, boxing or pulling ears, kicking, or hitting about vital organs. In other words, never use your hand in punishing your children because you don’t want them to associate you and your hand with pain and punishment. You can employ a paddle or some other instrument that will not bruise or break their skin and it must be applied only in their buttocks.

When administering punishment, focus on training. Explain to your children the reason for the punishment or else it is nothing more than a beating that serves no purpose and accomplishes nothing except to spoil their day.

3.    Do not allow your children to rebel.

If after being disciplined your children run off muttering or cursing or stomping their feet or continuing to act out with other inappropriate behaviors, they obviously have missed the point of discipline. Go to them and reapply the discipline, explaining that they need to understand and respect the reason for it. The proper response from them is not rebellion and defiance but submission. Help them understand that obedience is the quickest path to getting what they want. It’s a lot less painful, too.

4.    Do not allow your children to become bitter.

Sometimes you may discipline wrongly because you do not have all the information. No one is perfect. If this happens go to your child, confess your error, and apologize. Your children know you make mistakes, but it will do them a world of good to know also that you are not afraid to admit it. This will quench any sparks of bitterness that may simmering in their hearts.

5.    Never ridicule, belittle, or embarrass your children, especially in public.

This applies especially to older children. Younger children usually are not highly self-conscious and therefore can be corrected in public without feeling humiliated.

When correction and discipline are needed while in public, be careful to administer it in such a way as to preserve their pride and dignity. If possible, get away with them privately and deal with the situation. The object is correction, not humiliation. Remember that dignity is the child’s most valued possession. Respect it and you gain your child’s respect. So never ever humiliate your child in public.

In conclusion, we can say that discipline is an act of love by parents who are seeking to train their children in the right way to live and think. To be effective and appropriate, discipline should be applied only when necessary.

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How to Control Your Children Effectively

How to Control Your Children Effectively
by jrdiaz


You may have seen it—a young mother, wrestling with her small children. She tries to be nice to them and reason with them. She even tries to bribe them with candy and other treats if they would only “be good.”

But they seem to delight in throwing tantrums and embarrassing their mother in public. They seem totally uncontrollable.

Part of that mother’s problem is that she—along with millions of other parents— has no definite plan or program in controlling and training children. Remember, control is a prerequisite for training children.

Every schoolteacher knows that he or she cannot teach students unless they can control their classrooms. The same is true with parenting: we cannot train our children until and unless we can first control our children. This may seem self-evident, but it is amazing how many parents essentially ignore this principle in practice. They attempt to teach or train their children without first establishing clear ground rules as to who is in charge, and then they wonder why their children are unresponsive.

This question of control becomes a major issue where blended families are concerned. Stepparents often encounter difficulties in gaining the respect of their stepchildren; and with no respect there can be no control. How many loving stepparents have heard the frustrating and heartbreaking words, “You can’t tell me what to do; you’re not my mother!” or “I don’t have to listen to you; you’re not my real dad!” Whether their family is a blended family or a traditional family, the parents must find a workable way of exercising consistent, firm but fair control over all the children in the family. Otherwise, there will be a great deal of chaos, confusion, conflict, heartache, and dysfunction and very little effective training.

So here are some simple guidelines that will help parents exercise effective control of their children so training can take place:

1.    Tailor your control and training to the age and development of the child.

For example, don’t try to reason to a very young child. Young children need clear, firm guidelines to direct their behavior until their reasoning ability matures.

2.    Be consistent.

Don’t give in to the temptation to relax your standards or your expectations. Your children need and deserve the security and stability of always knowing what to expect from you and what to expect from them. They may complain, scream, cry, and kick against your rules, but stand firm. The moment you give in, you surrender control to your children and all hope of training them disappears.

3.    Be in agreement with your spouse.

As much as possible, the two of you should be in complete agreement regarding how you will raise your children. You should agree on what you will allow, what you will not allow, and what the penalties will be for infractions. You should agree never to disagree in front of the children, but maintain a united front. This will go far in dismantling one of the favorite control tactics of children: playing one parent against the other.

4.    Don’t try to be your children’s “buddy.”

You’re not their buddy; you’re their parent, and that’s what they need you to be. They need someone who will affirm and encourage them when they are right, and correct and redirect them when they are wrong, while loving them consistently throughout.

Finally, we can say that your child should learn early in his or her life—that you the parent are in charge, that training and discipline must and will  be carried out for the child’s good if wrong attitudes or rebellious, disrespectful behavior occur.

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